My Everything
by JackieStarSister
Summary: After the war, Ben and Rey get married. On their wedding night, Ben wonders what is more difficult, giving or receiving. Short story posted in honor of St. Valentine's Day. Rated M for non-explicit marital intimacy.


**Author's Note:** This is sort of an epilogue, taking place after a presumed happy ending. I'm not sure whether this really merits an M rating. It touches on the physical, emotional, and spiritual intimacy of romantic/sexual love, but the physical aspect is in the context of marriage and does not go into graphic detail. I'm labeling it M for now because I want to play it safe and not risk it being deleted, and in a literal sense it requires a certain level of maturity. See my note at the end to learn about the theology and philosophy that influenced this piece.

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**"My Everything"**

All things considered, the wedding was a strange one, largely because it went as smoothly as anyone could have hoped. Leia was there to present her son, and Chewie escorted the bride. Maz did not make unnecessary innuendoes as she officiated the ceremony. BB-8 rolled up at the right moment to produce the rings from an inner compartment. Finn did not have an emotional breakdown; when Rose saw him getting choked up and asked if he was alright, he said what really got to him was how happy Rey looked, and he couldn't begrudge her that. Even Poe managed to hold his tongue and play his part as a witness.

Rey found herself blushing almost the entire time. Even though it was a small group consisting entirely of their closest friends and family, she had never felt so much at the center of attention. In some ways, she had never felt less like her usual self. She felt cleaner and more feminine than ever in her life. She wore a gown from Padme Amidala's collection, and her hair was styled in Alderaanian braids. Leia had offered the garment and arranged her hair as tokens of her acceptance of Rey, a sign that she was truly becoming part of the Amidala-Skywalker-Organa-Solo family.

Perhaps the strangest thing was that Ben could not stop smiling. Rey hardly took her eyes off his face, and the smile was there every time she looked. Sheer joy had replaced his former misery, and knowing that she was the cause of it made her feel triumphant in a way that besting him in combat never had.

As he carried her over the threshold and through the halls of the lake country house, Ben remembered the first time he carried her in his arms. He had held her just like this, except that she had been unconscious. Now she was with him willingly, and that was the greatest cause of his euphoria.

He used the Force to open the door to the master bedroom. He entered and stopped inside, pausing to look around. "This is it."

"It's lovely," Rey said. It was not the first time she had said it since they came to Naboo: everything about the planet, and particularly this corner where the Amidala family had lived, was idyllic. This room had an enormous bed and a large vanity. Rey caught sight of their reflection in the mirror and her smile widened with glee. "Look at us, Ben."

"I know. You look—"

"No, not me. Look at _us_."

He followed her gaze, and saw his own reflection for the first time that day. He saw himself holding Rey, until he lowered her to the floor. Once on her feet, she took his arm and nodded to the mirror again. "What do you see?"

He studied the reflection and said truthfully, "I see you and me."

"Exactly." She leaned her head on his shoulder. "We're not alone."

Ben put his hand over hers, then turned his head to kiss her hair. As he drew back, he touched the braids lightly. "Can I take these out?" he asked.

The question surprised Rey, but only slightly. She shrugged and went over to the vanity. She sat on the cushioned stool and started to pull the braids out herself, but Ben grasped her hand gently to stop her. "No, I meant … I want to."

Then Rey remembered her conversation with Leia when styling her hair, and understood. She dropped her hands and let him pull out the pins and elastics, threading his fingers through her hair to unravel the braids.

"Did your mother tell you to do this?" Rey asked quietly.

"No. She just mentioned it, and I realized that was why she let … my father … do this for her, and no one else." Ben still had difficulty talking about Han, especially in such an emotional context.

Rey kept her head still, but she reached up over her shoulder to touch Ben's hand. "He would have loved this."

Ben squeezed her hand and her shoulder. "He would have loved you. I think maybe he did."

"He would have been happy for us. And he'd want us to be happy now."

"I am, Rey. You have no idea."

She almost laughed. "Yes, I do. I feel it too."

"Hmph." When her eyes flickered to the mirror she saw that he was smiling again. He pulled his hand out of her grasp and continued to pull out her braids. When all her hair was freed, he picked up the brush from the vanity and started to brush it. At this point Rey felt a little impatient, but she had to smile at how gentlemanly Ben was being, handling her hair so carefully. There had been a time when she could not have imagined he could be so gentle with anyone.

Ben was ten years older than Rey, but his emotional maturity was about the same as hers. He had still behaved like an angry adolescent when their paths first crossed. They had both needed to grow up, to learn what it meant to be an adult, a man, a woman. They had ended up helping each other learn that.

When the Force connected them, they had become uncomfortably close, privy to each other's thoughts and emotions. In that sense, they already knew each other extremely well. Their physical relationship had developed much more slowly. It had taken some time for them to grow comfortable with this kind and degree of physical intimacy, and now they were about to take that intimacy to its highest levels, at least in this world, in this life.

Suddenly it occurred to Rey that Ben had been brushing her hair longer than necessary. All the tangles from the braids had been smoothed out, but he continued to run the brush through.

"… I think that's enough, Ben."

He paused, then lowered his hand and the brush. "Sorry." He placed the brush back on the vanity, then just stood there for a moment, looking at it instead of at her.

Rey cocked her head. "Are you okay?"

He looked at her and saw the concern in her expression. He smiled sheepishly, trying to be reassuring. "Part of me still can't believe this is real." He glanced around the room once more, then back at Rey. "Do you need anything, before …?"

Rey considered him, and herself. Then she admitted, "I could use a few minutes in the refresher."

"Yeah, me too, now that you mention it."

Rey stood and went over to the door on the left side of the room. Looking in, she seemed confused.

"Oh, um—I think that one's mine. The lady's is on that side." Ben pointed to the right.

She turned to look at him incredulously. "There are _two_ refreshers?"

Ben laughed at her reaction. "I guess one for each of us?"

"I thought part of the point of getting married was to share everything."

"Well, a female ruler on Naboo would have had a lot more to deal with—cosmetics, headdresses—" Ben stopped rambling, feeling like an idiot, when he realized Rey was probably joking. It seemed like the wrong time to be comical—this was the most profound day of their lives; they had just done, and were about to do, something sacred—but now, it seemed, after the calmest wedding possible, their nerves were finally catching up to them.

Rey pulled at the sleeve of her borrowed dress. "I'm going to wash up and—change out of this." There was something shy in the way she looked at him—a question, or a suggestion.

Ben nodded slowly. "Okay. I'm going to be across—here."

She smiled, trying to reassure him now, before going into the refresher. Ben retreated to the one opposite.

They both took longer than they reasonably should have.

For so long they had wanted this, craved it, imagined it, looked forward to it. Now it was finally happening, and they were afraid. They were both keenly aware that they did not know what they were doing. Leia had talked with each of them about her experience as a spouse, and Maz had counseled them with wisdom accumulated over centuries of experience, but ultimately the consummation of their marriage came down to the two of them and the Force.

Finally, Rey opened her door and called out. "Ben?"

He did the same. "I'm here."

"I'm coming out."

"Should I not, then?"

She grunted, amused. "There's no reason not to. We have nothing to hide from each other anymore."

They both stepped into the room slowly, stopping when they came into each other's sight. For a moment all they did was stand and look, trembling slightly, trying to breathe evenly.

They could see each other's scars, most of them from duels they had fought in together, or even against each other. Rey had marked Ben's face, neck, and chest in combat, but also received a scar on her arm while defending him. They had hurt each other, and been hurt for the other's sake.

Seeing each other with nothing between them impressed upon them just how much they were meant for each other. There were parts of him that did not make sense without her, and there were parts of her that did not make sense without him.

Rey extended her hands to him, palms upward. They seemed to return to that gesture so often, as a sign of needing or offering support. Ben grasped her hands, letting her steady him.

They had felt the Force with them, inside them, between them, throughout the day. But now it seemed just as present, alive and active as it had been when they first touched hands in a gesture of peace. Despite how far their relationship had progressed since then, they were just as nervous as they had been then.

"Don't be afraid," Rey whispered. "I feel it too." She looked up at Ben with those clear eyes, full of her simple yet deep love.

Ben could not believe that he was hers, and, more incredibly, that she was his. He had come a long way in learning to forgive himself and value himself, yet he still felt unworthy of her. But she had chosen him. He made her feel happy and safe and loved, and he wanted to give her everything he could, including himself. What he was not sure about was whether he could accept the same from her.

Ben gulped. "If I do something wrong," he managed to say, his voice husky, "now, or in the future, you need to tell me. I know some of it will hurt, and I…"

"It's okay," Rey whispered. She stepped closer, bringing their clasped hands up higher between them. "I'm giving you everything."

Those words brought different memories to Ben's mind: Rey in a restraining apparatus, flatly refusing to give him anything; himself kneeling in the throne room, insisting that he had given everything to the Dark Side; Snoke invading Rey's mind, demanding that she give him everything. It pained Ben to remember how he had allowed and caused her to suffer in the past.

His own voice echoed in his mind, but it seemed to be a different person speaking his words: _You're still holding on. Let go._

Ben bowed his head and brought Rey's hands up to kiss each of them. Then he met her gaze and whispered, "You're everything to me."

Somehow, Rey understood what he meant—not that she was the only thing that mattered to him, as had once been the case, but that she was everything he wanted for himself, his family, and the galaxy.

They only let go of each other's hands when they kissed, so they could touch each other's face and neck and shoulders before finally embracing.

That night, they learned how to give without reservation and receive without protest.

That night, they let the Force guide them and work through them.

That night, they experienced the greatest balance they had ever known—a balance between pain and pleasure, hardness and softness, offering and asking, giving and receiving.

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**Disclaimer:** The connotations of unbraiding another person's hair in Alderaanian culture comes from Claudia Gray's book _Leia: Princess of Alderaan_.

**Author's Note:** My views on love, relationships, and sexual ethics are shaped by John Paul II's _Theology of the Body_. If you're not familiar with it, I strongly recommend looking into it. If the original material is too long or dense for your taste, there are many contemporary authors and speakers—among them Christopher West, Dr. Janet Smith, and Jason & Crystalina Evert—who have books and videos explaining it. The role the Force plays on Rey and Ben's wedding night is similar to the role I believe God has in marriage, which is itself a reflection of the trinity as well as the love between Christ and the Church. Feel free to send me a message if you have questions or want to talk more about this.


End file.
